If the Devil Took Over a City...

What would it look like if Satan took over a city?
It's an interesting question, and one that we shouldn't answer too quickly. It's not a question you sit and wrestle with in a theology class or in a small group. But it is an interesting question; one that I believe is essential to what we term "good" and what we term "evil".

What would be the characteristics of a society of people if the Devil had absolute control over it? How would the people act? What would be the new social norm? What would happen to churches and Christians? What would it look like?

If we're honest with each other, we would think very quickly and rush with our answer. It seems like a very simple question. We all have a great picture of what that would look like immediately come to mind.

Would it look like a much more open Las Vegas? A literal sin city? Would murder and abortion not just be legal across the board at will, but also government funded and encouraged? Would there be war? Would there be raping and fighting? Would all illicit drugs be legal and sold in vending machines? Would marriage be thrown under the Bus of Society and go dishonored? Would sex be public? Would pornography be on every channel? Would there be thefts and suicides every minute? Would homosexuality be encouraged publicly? Would everyone swear and make obscene gestures?

What of the churches? We would be forced underground, right? Would Christianity be illegal? Would our churches become brothels? Would we have to hide? Would pastors be outlaws? Would the government ban them from preaching? Would they be forced to marry homosexuals or be fined? Would we lose our tax exempt status? Would we be tortured, wounded, stolen from, beaten, mocked, locked up, or killed? Isn't that a clear picture of what life in Satanville would be?

No.

That is much too graphic, too intense to be a picture of the city in the full sway of the Devil. It is too much. It isn't deceptive enough. It would scare us too easily. The people would rise up and revolt before anything got out of hand. I fully believe people are totally depraved. But depravity isn't just total; it's also cunning. The beautiful about Satan and our depravity is that it's deceptive. It lies. It is not that I am sinful, only a sociopath feels no remorse for murder or rape. The issue with depravity, the way that it kills most is that it convinces me that my sin is really a good, "Christian" action.

Instead I think a society controlled by Satan would look much more like this:

I think the homosexuality, pornography, and abortion would all be outlawed by the government. I think jails would be essentially empty. Bars, nightclubs, strip joints, drug dealers, gangbangers, would all be a thing of the past. I believe that all religions other than Christianity would be outlawed. I believe that all the children in the city would say "Yes ma'am" and "No sir". We would have neat and tidy streets where everyone smiled and waved.

The Church would have voted all these ways in a long time ago. All of our politicians would fight for the banners and fanfares to God. Everyone would be a Christian. There would be no other option. If the Devil took over a city, every church, across the land would be packed in shoulder to shoulder, we would sings our hymns loud and our preachers would tell us how we all need to keep voting in good men and women who love Jesus so that we wouldn't see the loss of society. They would slam drinking, and Liberalism, and Muslims, and people would say, "Amen" and "Praise God". And we would have no doubts that God was smiling down on us, all the while people by the pew fulls never hear the Gospel, and slide into hell. It would be Christendom, it would be beautiful, and it would kill us all spiritually.

The more that I hear the modern Evangelical talk, the more I see what some pastors tweet or post on social media, the more I listen to how Christians would have society, the more I realize that we love Christendom, not Christ.

By Christendom I mean a society that is essentially Christianized. I mean a society in which we have achieved a moral upright society through the voting booth and not through evangelism. I mean a society in which the Religious Right would have at the end of the day. I mean the Falwell/Roberson utopia, where everyone loves Christ if they like it or not.

This is a society we want as Christians. I'm not saying we shouldn't use the Bible for our moral compass. I'm not saying we shouldn't vote or vote for those whose proposed values lie closely to Scripture. I'm certainly not saying we shouldn't advocate for a Christian world or for morals or that Christians shouldn't involve themselves in the political ring. If you take that away, you've missed the entire point.

What I am saying is that that society will never come through the voting booth. It never will. We will never make good Christians through the ballot. At best we will make wonderful, clean cut, well mannered Pharisees who believe God is pleased because they eradicated all the heinous deeds while all the while realizing that they are resting in their damnable good works. The more that I read what other people are reading, the more that I read or hear what other people are saying or thinking, I realize a major problem in the American church.

We don't think the Gospel is enough anymore.

Oh we would never say that. We would never stoop so low as to actually mumble those words. That is far too heretical for us to put into words. But it's not our words that damn us; it's our actions. That which we tweet about, read about, most. That which we fight for the hardest, that which we cling to the strongest. That is where our hope is found. We have given up the ghost on the Gospel, because the Gospel is too dangerous for us. I'm too scared to go tell my new neighbors about Jesus, so instead I'll just sit here and write this blog some more because it makes me feel good to tell you how wrong you are without dealing with all my failures. In the same vein how it's easy for you to sit there and watch Sean Hannity tell us what's wrong and how we should blame Liberals, Muslims, Hollywood, and the media, and the Taliban, and Al-Jezeera and Al Sharpton for the mess that we as a nation are in because you and I (especially me) are too afraid that the Gospel is actually going to work. Because then, as holders of that Gospel, the problem is that we're not evangelizing. The problem isn't out there with society, the problem is in here with you and I.

So, because we've given up; we must find a way to make America a nation of Christians, we fight for Christ not to reign in our hearts, but in the Oval Office. We think that God has joined a political party and everyone in that party is a Christian. We have, though we would not admit it, believe that God has changed his name to GOP. You're free to disagree; but how many pastors advocated for a Mormon president? What makes us that that a Mormon President stands for Christian values? Because he's better than Obama? Lesser of two evils? One doesn't think the Bible's infallible. How's that for Christian values? We voted for him, not because of he was a Christian, but because he was a Republican. We voted out of fear. We voted for him because we believe that God is setting up Christendom.

Jesus didn't want to be an earthly king. He refused, though the people wanted to make Him one in John 6:15. He tells Pilate that His kingdom "is not of this world". Jesus wasn't about the political. We, like Judas, want Him to be that way. But we, like Judas, miss the point. Jesus did not come to set up a physical nation, but a spiritual one defined by the Gospel.

If we want to see a Christian society, then it will start when you and I (especially I) trust in the Gospel alone to save people. It will come when we stop thinking that God needs America to be a lighthouse for God, and realize it's not about America, but it's about the Church being that lighthouse. It's not about our nationalism, it's about the proclamation of the Gospel; that Christ came to save a people for Himself by faith alone in Christ for the propitiation of our sins, by grace. That is more powerful than a vote. We need pastors and faithful members who evangelize. We need to realize that we have brothers and sisters who really know persecution, not just harassment. We should be faithful to the Gospel, more than we bellyache about the government. We are wasting our time. We're not saving anyone through a voting booth. And until we realize that, we will never impact our cities for Christ.

Oh, by the way, my neighbor is pretty cool.

SDG

Singled Out: a New Conversation on Singleness Part 2: From One Christian Who is Single to Another

Dear Christian Who is Single,

I'm sure, when you read Part 1, you felt like finally someone had verbalized exactly what you had been thinking for some time. I'm glad. That was part of my aim; to let Christians who are married in on what we think and how we feel. It's good for us to have conversations, to respark the old questions and to ask them while seeking some Biblical clarity.

It's tough being a Christian who is single. Trust me. It's hard to sit alone, or even worse, with all your married friends, and not think, "What's wrong with me? Am I not marriageable? When's it going to be my turn?" And these aren't sinful or wrong questions to ask. These aren't selfish questions; I strongly believe that it's a part of us that remained from the Fall to want companionship. We as men and women created Imago Dei, are created to work and serve in community with one another. 

"Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him....So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Gen 2: 18,21-24

This is prefall. God sees that man isn't at his absolute best, and so creates woman. In that moment, they fulfilled each other. Him, her, and God were in complete fellowship together, and then and there we reached the pinnacle of where we can ever hope to reach.

I'm saying this for your joy, Christian who is single. I'm saying this to Biblically justify the longing and desire that you naturally feel for a spouse. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing sinful about the God-given longing for wanting a mate. You were created, before the fall, to find the opposite sex attractive. You were formed by God, to have a companion, for the glory of God. To not actively seek that; is to live contrary to the way your Father has formed you. It is to live as a liar. So take joy! Seek a Christ centered mate, if God has called you to do so!

But, we have to talk Christian who is single,

Because our married friends have some really good insights. They're not totally clueless. Can they perfectly relate to how we live as singles? No. But they do have their own struggles, their own concerns, and they do have some insight that we don't know about.

See, I don't think Christians who are single have it all figured out or harder than our married brothers and sisters. If I'm honest, I think we're equally ignorant; to the point that both of us envy the other because "the grass is greener."

So, Christian who is single, I have truths you need to know. These are five things that will make not only the search for a Christlike spouse easier, but maybe more enjoyable.

1. Your identity is in Christ, not your future spouse.
This is very important, because this is the cause for how we as Christians who are single talk, think, and live. It's important to remember that you are not a single Christian. It's very important (I can't emphasize it enough) that you keep this in mind. I have done my best, when I write to you to not call you "single" or "a single Christian". You identify yourself first, then describe yourself. Go back, reread this post and see how often I address people as "Christians who are single" or "Christians who are married". It's imperative we talk this way. We must be willing everyday to preach to ourselves :

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:9-10)

Your identity is found in Christ alone, if you have come to him by faith.

The alternative is deadly. If you choose to find all of your fulfillment in man or woman, who are setting them up to fail already. They were never designed to fill that gap of identifying you. You will kill them emotionally and spiritually if you do that. You will only set yourself up for future heartache by trying to make them be what identifies you, because they will fail. At some point, it is inevitable.

2. We can't be marriage pagans.
This is tough; because if I'm honest, I'm so guilty of this. It's tough not to think that marriage is what's missing in my life for me to be who Christ made me to be. It's the real struggle that happens when we are the Last of the Unmarried. But it's incredibly dangerous for us to jump from one relationship -or one potential spouse- to another just trying to figure out who sticks. We treat each other like ends to our marriage means. This is blatant idolatry.

But what's worse is when we seek marriage more than we seek Christ. Like when I sit in the worship service at my church and all I think about is my singleness. It happens. 

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. 

But is Christ not enough for you to be satisfied in? This isn't the "Jesus is your spouse" right now line that is fed constantly. This is a press: is Christ or marriage your highest joy? I struggle with answering that honestly becasue I know my thoughts and actions betray my words. If I were honest with myself, there are days when I want to be married more than I want Christ. There are days when, if like Hosea, marriage were to be stripped away from me, would Christ be enough for me to recover? We have to ask ourselves these questions and deal with them honestly. We must remember that marriage is a picture of the Gospel that we can see. It will one day fade away. There is a day when the shadow of marriage gives way to the reality of our unity with and in Christ. We must be careful to not chase after shadows while ignoring the reality.

3. Singleness is a gift.
No really. Remember who is saying this right now. Singleness is a very beneficial thing. I have seen this or I wouldn't say it. Being single is a legitimate spiritual gift that God gives us. I know what you're thinking. "If singleness is a gift, what's the exchange policy? Not what I asked for at all."

I'm with you on this. But we need to see our singleness from a Biblical perspective. I know you're going to hate when I put this verse on here, but:

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.               (1 Corinthians 7:6-9)

We have a problem here because we don't like these verses. It's ok to admit it. I struggle with them too. But we have to consider, how is singleness a gift? Like what's the benefit here?

First I think Paul explains clearly later on in the chapter that as singles, we aren't as anxious about pleasing a spouse. We don't have that concern. We are free to make our own decisions, our own mistakes, our own choices. Let me speak from experience. I am right now in a very unsteady place in my life. I just am. I have a direction, I have a plan, it's just the coming together of it that I'm waiting (but working) on. I honestly couldn't fathom being married right now. It's too open for me to feel comfortable leading a wife through. In the past 6 months, I've made some pretty drastic life, work, ministry, and living changes. But you know who I didn't consult with. A wife. I'm free to live and make decisions based on my desire and what I believe God's will for my life to be. Lonely as it is, it could be a lot worse.

So we must, for our spiritual health's sake, steward our singleness for the glory of God.

4. Rest in the sovereignty of God; but not as victims.
Show of hands, who's surprised I put this in here? Please, go ahead. Insert one Reformed joke here.

Seriously though, I have come to find that the sovereignty and goodness of God are the most loving things for us. Let me tell you, Christian who is single, why you remain single. It's not time yet. Those are nail-on-chalkboard words, huh? But do you really think that you are going to miss what God has planned for you? How small is your God? There's is nothing you can do to jack up this plan. It can be more painful, longer, or harder, yes. But never wrecked.

I was engaged once. (Technically I would say twice. Things were bought, I'm saying that counts in spirit). I was engaged to someone who was, if i'm honest was killing me spiritually. And God was gracious to, very painfully remove me out of that situation. It hurt. Ask those who walked with me during that time. It was hard. There were days I felt angry, betrayed, cheated on, lied to.

I finally, this week, gathered the nerve to ask my mom a question I have pondered on for a couple of years. 

Yeah, how's that for a nice dose of reality? If I could redo either of my failed attempts at marriage, I'd do neither of them. God has a woman. She is intricately and wonderfully designed. The Gospel is her beauty, and she is patient. And though I won't speak for all of you, for those whom God desires to give a wife or husband, He will in His good and perfect timing

But also, be careful that we not become sovereignty victims. I'm a Calvinist, not a fatalist. I'm not saying you should sit on your couch and wait for a Christ-centered man or woman to just show up one day. Be actively seeking and searching. But in that search, rest in the unbreakable plan of God.

5. Don't be jaded against Christians who are married.

Once again, guilty. I'll just admit that. But it's tempting to feel as if we live burdened by the weight of singleness and our married friends live in continous party land. Living with and around married couples and just watching. It's tough. They have equal concerns and frustrations. They're just as stressed as we are; maybe more. Though I do think their advice isn't the best; some of my best friends are Christians who are married. I love them, trust them, pray for them, and they do the same for me. We were made to live in a community of believers. And while, yes, we need to be engaged; community means that sometimes we approach them to spend time with us-I'm guilty- That means that sometimes (most of the time) we bite the bullet when they have lives with their significant others and we learn to spend time with other Christians who are single. 

So Christian Who is Single, my prayer for all of us is that, regardless if we ever find a spouse, we find our joy in Christ, who is the source of all hope and joy. I pray that we rest in Him and His perfect will for our lives; that this time, how ever long it is, we use to put Christ on display in our lives. 

SDG

Singled Out: A New Conversation on Singleness. Part 1: It's Not Good for Me to be Alone Either

Dear Christian Who is Married,

I know exactly what you're thinking as you clicked this link: "Here we go again on another post about singleness. It's the same old tired rhetoric that we've always heard. Let's go ahead and jump to 1st Corinthians 7." 

But stop just a second. 

Because the single person is not a second class citizen in the Covenant Community. We are people, with spiritual gifts, callings, passions, and desires for our future. We work jobs, go to class, have families, bills, and hobbies. We have fully functioning sex drives, the same as you and your spouse do. And we love Jesus; the same as you and your spouse do. Please know that. We're normal.

But if I'm honest, I've maybe grown a little calloused towards you; so forgive me. It's not right for me to be I know. It's just, I'm not sure if you realize that neither of the two schools of thought that you have for my life really are all that legit. I'm decently sure that you're heart's in the right place; but at the same time, I don't think you have a clue. 

Let me back up. Because I really want you to understand what I'm talking about when I say "the two schools of thought." There are basically two options I have as a Christian who is single. 

1. Rush to get married. Basically, this is the "biological clock, get you're act together and be 'marriage material'" approach. I'm willing to call it the sweet, old lady approach. It's the idea that we're all ticking timebombs of hormones who need to hurry up and get married so that we don't start twerking all over each other and having a whole bunch of pre-marital going on. (Until that sweet girl turns 34, and then it's baby pressure time right?) In this school of thought, I need to shape up, man up, take responsibility for my actions, get a job and a haircut so that I can finally marry the mystical, unBiblical "one".

"Is it not obvious to anyone with half a brain that human beings were not designed to delay sex for two or three decades after coming to sexual maturity?  Yet we have Christians not blinking an eye at full-grown adult singles waiting until age 35 to marry for the first time, because that was just God’s perfect plan or whatever....If Christians are really serious about changing the culture for the better, then they need to get serious about promoting young marriage and stop telling singles (either explicitly or implicitly) that they have a long time to find someone and it’s better to go off and have adventures while they figure out who they are.  And they also need to stop telling people that the 20s are a “season” in which you can work on yourself to become closer to God and therefore marriage-worthy or whatever." (Haley's Halo, Wordpress.com)

So I should rush to find someone? Anyone? So should I be more concerned about being able to have all the endless sex I want, or the fact that I'm in God's pleasing and perfect will? So I'm sorry Camp 1; but you're rushing me to achieve marriage status isn't helping me. Because all it tell's me is that I'm a screw up who can't seem to get it together, but you've somehow "arrived" with your helpmeet. 

2. My second option is to totally completely absolutely have zero interest in dating. In fact, it is said that dating is probably wrong. There's not a verse to prove that, so let's just not do it. That dating leads people to randomly twerk on each other and start having a whole bunch of premarital. Angie Lewis has a blog  post written in 2010 called 10 Reasons Why Christians Shouldn't Date. I won't cover all ten, but I will take on two of them because I feel like they summarize Camp 2.

Dating Leads to Sex But Not Commitment

Dating most often leads to sex and then eventual heartbreak. Dating hurts young people because it is a false sense of hope that almost always leads to emotional heartache and physical impurity. With dating the risk of having sexual relations with a person you really don't know is paramount. I say risk because sex means nothing without love and commitment. Think about it. For the sincere Christian dating should be out of the question, don't you think? 

Dating Distracts People From What Really Matters 

Dating, because of its sexual and emotional intentions distracts Christian people from what is really important for them. Namely, God and preparing for their future in the Lord. They are so focused on the happenings of each other that nothing else matters to them, not even staying pure for God and marriage. It is God's will that young Christian people who are sincere in the Lord, put their feelings on hold and not allow themselves to be pressured into emotional relationships without commitment. 

But hang on a second. Is it not possible for me to spend time with a young woman and get to know her mind and discover what she's like while spending time together, with my pants on? Why is it that me spending time with a young Christian woman will 1. For sure lead to sex and 2. Lead us both to ignore God. Isn't it possible that maybe I respect her and want to see her grow in Christ, that I practice some God-given restraint? You telling me to just sit and wait doesn't help me. 

Because if I'm honest, it's not good for me to be alone either. I have a desire, like pre-fall Adam, to love and nurture a wife and children. I have, like pre-fall Adam, the need for companionship and a helper fit for me. I don't think it's sin to want to look for and find a woman who loves Jesus just as much as I do. But what you're telling me Camp 2, is that I shouldn't want marriage but it's ok that you did. That's a double standard friend.

But both camps have this idea, that I am not in control of my raging 22 year old sex drive. That as singles we just walk around sexually frustrated all the time. Let me be really honest, Christian who is married. 80% of your advice to me, regardless if it's rush or wait, sucks; and I get really sick of it. 

Here's why.

You have no idea what it's like to be single anymore. You just don't. 

Let's be honest for a minute. We'll play a game. When is the last time you:

1. Had no texts or phone calls all day.

2. Ordered a table for one for a month straight

3. Slept alone, by yourself, for a month straight.

4. Sat in absolute silence without conversation, for a day. 

5. Had to split the check awkwardly (like those two, her and him, and then me) twice in the same week?

We do that. I do that. I eat more meals alone than I do with others. And it get's really lonely. Yes I know Paul said that he preferred people not be married. Yes being a Christian who is single is a gift from God to serve without distraction. But before you start quoting me 1 Corinthians 7, how about you come sit and have lunch with me and talk to me about how wonderful Jesus is. Why don't, instead of telling me that my sex drive will kill me if I do anything at all, you ask how I'm doing? I know widows, who are single now, who are lonely too. Why don't you just ask me how I'm doing instead of giving me advice to achieve some magical "adult status"?

God has wired us as people to seek and want companionship. And it's not a sin to want it. So, Christians who are married, we aren't dysfunctional. We aren't cursed for perpetual singleness (some of us).But we are valuable members of the Body of Christ. Please, walk with me, encourage me to learn to seek a Godly woman who loves Christ. But at the same time, understand, you don't understand. And it's ok. Because we're a community of Grace, both single and married. We're in this together, not because of our status, but because of Christ. That's what unites and ignites our walk together.

SDG

The Last 36 Hours and Why I'm Not Going to Missouri

As soon as this goes public I'll be walking out my front door and driving up to Bentonville. Today I was supposed to be hauling boxes and furniture into a U-haul and driving up to become the pastorate of Antioch Baptist Church in Cassville, Missouri. That is no longer the case. In the last 48 hours I have ran the gauntlet of emotions and frustration before I could write this post. I am choosing to address it in this format to save time and let everyone know what happened. 

At around 11:45 Thursday night I received an email from the former pastor of the church where I was going to pastor. The email reads as follows.

I am not acting on behalf of the church, but it has just come to my attention from more than one source that you frequent bars.  Is that so?  If so, you should cancel your moving truck.  Also found this online (below).  I cannot personally condone the use of alcohol as a social mixer.  Lets talk.

Jay Sawrie

Tuesday via Twitter
·         Hitting the Draft after work with a pastor friend who shall remain nameless use protect his identity

I want you all to understand this; I want to be clear. There are people, right now, that believe that I frequent bars. That I drink habitually or out of control. That I go to places for the sole purpose of getting drunk. Not only this, but that this person felt that it was their duty to go and talk to the church I was going to pastor, not me. They believed that it was the best thing to go and tell the to church; to address it to them without ever coming and talking to me. I am very hurt over this. I have humbled myself to those over me (pastors, professors, parents, etc.) and have stopped trying to rebel against the system. I was wanting to work with small, traditional churches for a while to help them recover and become thriving churches, and to never even leave their association. I don't want create my own thing, I'm not trying to shove specific viewpoint onto everyone. I am doing my best to walk in grace and humility. And yet even when repentant of being rebellious through college, even after submitting myself, and desiring to work in traditional churches; there are those who would run me down. Who would disrespect me and bring up rumors about me, without even addressing me first. The former pastor at Antioch addressed it with me, which I appreciate and respect. But even then, I was absolutely blindsided by this. 

This is in a complete violation of how Christ spells out how Christians should address such matters in Matthew 18. No one came to me. No one sought me and addressed me as "brother". And had such grace filled approach happened I would have spoken peacefully and humbly. I would have considered these people's words. I'm not sure if they thought I was just an arrogant young man who wouldn't listen, but these people violated Scripture. I have been stabbed in the back, not for doctrinal or even personal reason. 

So before I discuss the rest of the last few hours, let me address these people. Now they will say, "Ah, but you are not taking your own sermon. You aren't addressing us in private, and so now we are being sinned against and it's a wash. You aren't dealing with us as 'brother'" But I don't know who y'all are. I would love to loving address you in private and explain myself and reconcile; but I don't know where to turn. So unless you come to me and speak with me in grace, this is the best I can do to offer up some sort of defense. 

I have no issue with alcohol. I have never been intoxicated in my life. I have no problem with drinking alcohol. I do not believe it is the great sin of our generation in the Bible belt. I think idolatry and legalism are. I have been to sports bars, like the Draft, and had a single beverage with my meal. One. The waiter asks if I would like another and I simply ask for water. I have not ever been publicly intoxicated. I have been to restaurants in Conway, that serve alcohol. Chili's, El Parian, Wild Wings, Old Chicago, are all great places to eat. They just are. But these are restaurants. I'm sorry that I do not hold to a level of moralism that says that I cannot even drive past these places. I ever never overindulged myself with alcohol in these or any other places "vile wickedness" which is less than what I can say about some with Sister MaryLous apple pie. Or is that okay to overindulge in? Let us reason together why my moderation of a drink is more sinful than other's lack of moderation in anger, or lust, or food. Please, I will sit and wait for a response.

But what you lacked was knowledge of my own convictions. What you didn't know was that I had already decided to not exercise my liberty for the sake of the church. Because they have adapted the typical Baptist church covenant, and I would do a dishonor to them and to the pastorate if I didn't lay my liberties while with them, I made it a point to give up something I believe in. This wasn't so that I would be living a double life. This was so that they wouldn't be hindered in growth in Christ. But what do I know, I'm just a very immature Calvinist right?

So, there were too many red flags for me to be comfortable. The former pastor was willing to speak with the church and let me know their desires; but even if I came, I wouldn't be effective. Their trust for me was gone even then. So I stepped away. I was not going to try to work in a replant situation where I was already going to be ineffective. I told the church this and they understood. Let me say this; I have no ill will to those at Antioch in Cassville. They were willing to hear me out and still potentially have me come. I fully understand their thoughts and they have been very kind and prayerful towards me. I pray for them often even still.

But, at midnight Friday morning I was jobless, soon to be homeless, and without any direction. 

And the support has flooded in. First Service Bank has given me another job temporarily that's for more money. I have several friends who have opened up their homes to me. My parents have been only supportive with the direction I'm heading. Pastors are listening to me and encouraging me to stick with it and keep going. I'm headed right now up to Northwest Arkansas to visit one of them now. 

God has kept me from what could've been a rough situation and richly provided for the moment. So for the first time, in a long time, I have no plan. I have no direction, no next step. What I do have is a wonderful group of friends and family who are coming beside me; supporting me and loving me. What I can say is this

I'm not going anywhere