The Last 36 Hours and Why I'm Not Going to Missouri

As soon as this goes public I'll be walking out my front door and driving up to Bentonville. Today I was supposed to be hauling boxes and furniture into a U-haul and driving up to become the pastorate of Antioch Baptist Church in Cassville, Missouri. That is no longer the case. In the last 48 hours I have ran the gauntlet of emotions and frustration before I could write this post. I am choosing to address it in this format to save time and let everyone know what happened. 

At around 11:45 Thursday night I received an email from the former pastor of the church where I was going to pastor. The email reads as follows.

I am not acting on behalf of the church, but it has just come to my attention from more than one source that you frequent bars.  Is that so?  If so, you should cancel your moving truck.  Also found this online (below).  I cannot personally condone the use of alcohol as a social mixer.  Lets talk.

Jay Sawrie

Tuesday via Twitter
·         Hitting the Draft after work with a pastor friend who shall remain nameless use protect his identity

I want you all to understand this; I want to be clear. There are people, right now, that believe that I frequent bars. That I drink habitually or out of control. That I go to places for the sole purpose of getting drunk. Not only this, but that this person felt that it was their duty to go and talk to the church I was going to pastor, not me. They believed that it was the best thing to go and tell the to church; to address it to them without ever coming and talking to me. I am very hurt over this. I have humbled myself to those over me (pastors, professors, parents, etc.) and have stopped trying to rebel against the system. I was wanting to work with small, traditional churches for a while to help them recover and become thriving churches, and to never even leave their association. I don't want create my own thing, I'm not trying to shove specific viewpoint onto everyone. I am doing my best to walk in grace and humility. And yet even when repentant of being rebellious through college, even after submitting myself, and desiring to work in traditional churches; there are those who would run me down. Who would disrespect me and bring up rumors about me, without even addressing me first. The former pastor at Antioch addressed it with me, which I appreciate and respect. But even then, I was absolutely blindsided by this. 

This is in a complete violation of how Christ spells out how Christians should address such matters in Matthew 18. No one came to me. No one sought me and addressed me as "brother". And had such grace filled approach happened I would have spoken peacefully and humbly. I would have considered these people's words. I'm not sure if they thought I was just an arrogant young man who wouldn't listen, but these people violated Scripture. I have been stabbed in the back, not for doctrinal or even personal reason. 

So before I discuss the rest of the last few hours, let me address these people. Now they will say, "Ah, but you are not taking your own sermon. You aren't addressing us in private, and so now we are being sinned against and it's a wash. You aren't dealing with us as 'brother'" But I don't know who y'all are. I would love to loving address you in private and explain myself and reconcile; but I don't know where to turn. So unless you come to me and speak with me in grace, this is the best I can do to offer up some sort of defense. 

I have no issue with alcohol. I have never been intoxicated in my life. I have no problem with drinking alcohol. I do not believe it is the great sin of our generation in the Bible belt. I think idolatry and legalism are. I have been to sports bars, like the Draft, and had a single beverage with my meal. One. The waiter asks if I would like another and I simply ask for water. I have not ever been publicly intoxicated. I have been to restaurants in Conway, that serve alcohol. Chili's, El Parian, Wild Wings, Old Chicago, are all great places to eat. They just are. But these are restaurants. I'm sorry that I do not hold to a level of moralism that says that I cannot even drive past these places. I ever never overindulged myself with alcohol in these or any other places "vile wickedness" which is less than what I can say about some with Sister MaryLous apple pie. Or is that okay to overindulge in? Let us reason together why my moderation of a drink is more sinful than other's lack of moderation in anger, or lust, or food. Please, I will sit and wait for a response.

But what you lacked was knowledge of my own convictions. What you didn't know was that I had already decided to not exercise my liberty for the sake of the church. Because they have adapted the typical Baptist church covenant, and I would do a dishonor to them and to the pastorate if I didn't lay my liberties while with them, I made it a point to give up something I believe in. This wasn't so that I would be living a double life. This was so that they wouldn't be hindered in growth in Christ. But what do I know, I'm just a very immature Calvinist right?

So, there were too many red flags for me to be comfortable. The former pastor was willing to speak with the church and let me know their desires; but even if I came, I wouldn't be effective. Their trust for me was gone even then. So I stepped away. I was not going to try to work in a replant situation where I was already going to be ineffective. I told the church this and they understood. Let me say this; I have no ill will to those at Antioch in Cassville. They were willing to hear me out and still potentially have me come. I fully understand their thoughts and they have been very kind and prayerful towards me. I pray for them often even still.

But, at midnight Friday morning I was jobless, soon to be homeless, and without any direction. 

And the support has flooded in. First Service Bank has given me another job temporarily that's for more money. I have several friends who have opened up their homes to me. My parents have been only supportive with the direction I'm heading. Pastors are listening to me and encouraging me to stick with it and keep going. I'm headed right now up to Northwest Arkansas to visit one of them now. 

God has kept me from what could've been a rough situation and richly provided for the moment. So for the first time, in a long time, I have no plan. I have no direction, no next step. What I do have is a wonderful group of friends and family who are coming beside me; supporting me and loving me. What I can say is this

I'm not going anywhere